Gaslighting in the Workplace

The first time I heard the word gaslighting was in 2020 describing a nightmare Tinder experience. Fast forward a few years and I find that the word is now adopted in conversations relating to negative workplace experiences.

So what is gaslighting? And is it a legit dynamic in some workplaces?

Gaslighting is defined as a form of psychological manipulation wherein a person (or group of people) causes someone to question their reality. The term originates from the 1938 play "Gas Light" which tells the story of a husband manipulating his wife into doubting her sanity. It clearly hit a societal chord going on to be made into a film in 1944 that launched Angela Lansbury’s career with an Academy Award.

In 2009, Yale academic, Dr Robin Stern released a book titled "The Gaslight Effect," in which she describes workplace gaslighting as a form of psychological manipulation where employees are made to question their abilities, perceptions, and reality. This manipulation can come from superiors, peers, or even subordinates in some cases. And unsurprisingly, can have a devastating effect on the mental health, wellbeing and career of the target.

Workplace gaslighting tactics explored across the literature include:

1. Denial of Past Statements or Actions: Gaslighters may deny themselves or the target having said or done something, even if there is evidence. This creates confusion and self-doubt in the target.
2. Trivializing Concerns: When an employee raises a concern, the gaslighter may belittle it, making the employee feel that their worries are unfounded or exaggerated.
3. Blame Shifting: Gaslighters often project blame onto the target for mistakes or problems, regardless of the actual circumstances.
4. Undermining Performance: Gaslighters may delegate impossible tasks, changing goals without notice, or provide inconsistent feedback to create a sense of incompetence and instability.
5. Exclusion and Isolation: Gaslighters may deliberately exclude someone from meetings or communications to undermine their sense of inclusion and importance in the team.
6. Questioning Memory and Perception: Gaslighters may suggest that an employee’s memory or perception of events is faulty, causing them to doubt themselves.
7. Public Humiliation: Gaslighters may criticize or belittle a colleague in front of others to diminish their credibility and self-esteem
8. Manipulative Praise: Gaslighters may use insincere praise to manipulate a colleague into feeling guilty or indebted.
9. Creating Conflicting Instructions: Gaslighters may provide contradictory instructions or information, leading to confusion and frustration.
10. Withholding Information: Gaslighters may deliberately keep vital information from a colleague, making it difficult for them to perform their job effectively
11. Invalidating Emotions: Gaslighter’s may dismiss or ridicule a colleagues’ emotional responses, making them feel over-sensitive or irrational.
12. Threatening Professional Reputation: Gaslighter’s may threaten to damage the victim’s professional reputation through false accusations or negative gossip.

Why is it important to talk about this?

The truly dangerous thing about gaslighting is that it “works”. In altering a victim’s sense of reality it (by definition) inverts the notion that they themselves could even be a victim. Moreover the delivery is often subtle and it can take years for someone to recognise the destructive influence that a gaslighter is having on their wellbeing and career.

In terms of the impact, researchers conclude that prolonged exposure to gaslighting can lead to anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of self-doubt. Victims may see a decline in their job performance due to constant second-guessing and stress. And gaslighting can stall career growth as victims might lose confidence in their abilities and hesitate to pursue promotions or new opportunities.

What can be done?

I am not a medical professional, lawyer or any other such relevant expert. However, these things personally helped me:

1. Trust yourself! Be aware of when you feel something is “off” and ask the difficult questions of yourself and others. Educate yourself on gaslighting tactics so you can better identify them (I’ve made a starter list of resources below).
2. Keep some kind of work diary even if it’s just voice notes to yourself or a friend. Keep other relevant records too. All this helps ground what is real. After a meeting always send a summary / minutes in writing back to the attendees. Record as many meetings as possible. Data always ultimately wins, including when you’re 2nd guessing yourself!
3. Articulate your concerns in writing. If they are ignored, escalate it. Speak to legal professionals and others who are on your side.
4. The workplace HR and any helplines etc. are paid by the company so be mindful of how you engage there. If you’re raising issues to HR regarding a colleague, do it in writing and keep a record in your personal files (not just on your work computer or email).
5. Do not underestimate the psychological effect this is having on you. Consider if / how the gaslighting tactic has “worked” to reshape your sense of reality. Speak to medical professionals about this and check in with colleagues and friends to rediscover the truth. I have to repeat it - do not underestimate the crushing effect this can have on you.
6. Know that you are not alone. A 2017 study found that nearly 19% of American workers reported being bullied at work, with gaslighting behaviors—such as undermining an employee’s confidence and making them question their reality—being among the tactics used by perpetrators.
7. Resist and challenge if you are able to, because gaslighting is a form of theft - stealing your self-worth and your future. See it for what it is.

If you’d like to share your story with me, please don’t hesitate to use the Contact Us page of this website.

Since I strongly believe that leadership plays a pivotal role in combating gaslighting, in my next article I’ll explore organisational design and methods for creating psychologically safe workplaces. Contact me if you’d like to contribute your thoughts to me on this topic!

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer and none of the contents of this article, the listed references or recommended reading items are legal advice. DYOR!

Resources:

Stern, R. (2007). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. Morgan Road Books.

Podcast: https://robinstern.com/podcast/podcast-player/

Sweet, P. L. (2019). "The Sociology of Gaslighting." American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875. doi:10.1177/0003122419874843

Lipkin, N. A. (2013). What Keeps Leaders Up at Night: Recognizing and Resolving Your Most Troubling Management Issues. AMACOM.

Namie, G., & Namie, R. (2017). The Bully-Free Workplace: Stop Jerks, Weasels, and Snakes from Killing Your Organization. Wiley.

Hoel, H., & Cooper, C. L. (2000). "Destructive Conflict and Bullying at Work." Manchester School of Management, University of Manchester Institute of Science and Technology.

Einarsen, S., Hoel, H., Zapf, D., & Cooper, C. L. (2003). Bullying and Emotional Abuse in the Workplace: International Perspectives in Research and Practice. CRC Press.